Lady Alena, for this was the name of the old woman in the finely embroidered shawl who held power over the vicious geese, kept a hall that was grand and well-lit, the walls painted white and all over with colourful flowers, and the warmth of a fire roaring in the grate.
“She has no servants,” whispered Gufa. “Do you think she keeps them locked away?”
But soon it became clear the old woman kept no servants because she had no need of them. She herself served us hot meat stew from a pot that was far too large to feed just her. “Perhaps she is a witch,” said Birger, who had scratches all over him from the geese. “She read runes and foresaw us coming.”
“Nobody reads runes this far south, Birger,” said Sten. “It’s all entrails and the flights of birds and things. Believe Sten who knows a lot.”
“Sten doesn’t know shite about fortune telling,” said Torsten, who had been found in the ditch and was quite covered in mud. “And he should stop pretending he does.”
“Do you think that’s why she keeps geese? To make them fly around and tell her the future?”
“I’d like to see you try and read anything out of those geese without them pecking you to death.”
“Speak for yourself, you - ”
Heidir the Bold took his seat at the table, beckoned by the Lady Alena. He smiled at her with the huge, vacant grin that he thought looked reassuring but in fact bared his huge plaque-stained teeth like a hungry cat. One by one we joined him, and when we were all sat and struck to silence by the sounds of men eating, Alena spoke.
“I have need of men who will act as my personal guard for one night and one day. The more the better, but six will do. The men must look as imposing as possible, holding weapons as though they know how to use them. These men will guard me and my house while my guests arrive, and then when the guests leave the men may leave too, with fair payment in gold.”
Sten translated even though it meant his stew began to go cold. Torsten, Birger and Gufa munched urgently as thought the bowls were about to be taken away, but Heidir sat with the spoon beside the bowl, totally absorbed in listening. When she had finished he nodded. “Tell her we’ll do it, but only if she answers our questions and we like her answers. Firstly, who are these guests and what threat do we guard her from?”
Sten translated, and then to our surprise the old woman threw up her head and laughed.
“Guard! No, no, no - you guard me from nothing. I already have my guard. My trusty geese are bolder and more vicious than any men could be. No, I just need you to look the part. I need you to put off those of my cousins who I think will have their eyes most keenly trained on my gold.”
Cousins?
“My husband Leanid died recently - ”
How terrible, how terrible, we’re very sorry for your loss.
“Oh, he was useless, it’s no great waste. Now I get all the bed to myself. No, the problem is now his cousins are coming from every corner of the land to pay their respects and I must accept them into my home - my home! - and even worse they all to a man have designs upon my estate. I have reason to believe one will try to steal my gold before the night is up.”
We all looked at each other. This conversation had not at all gone in the direction we had expected. Peasant bandits maybe, or Khazar raids. Cousins were another story altogether. We all knew cousins. Cousins were trouble. And worse, cousins were the kind of trouble that couldn’t be solved with an axe.
And none of us had forgotten about the geese.
Birgir said, “Now let’s think about this - ”
“Sten, tell her we accept,” said Heidir the Bold. We all looked at him. “What? We’ve eaten her soup and been made welcome in her home. And besides - we’re the Varangian Brigade! The Eagles of the North! We’ve fought everything from Gardariki warriors to sea dragons. I think we can handle a few cousins.”
The only thing worse than accepting this job would be having to listen to an evening’s worth of Heidir doing a pep talk, so at this point our fate was sealed.
Sten set to work negotiating the terms under which we would work and our price. The old lady blew out her lips.
“You want how much? Think the lady Alena has gone senile in her old age, ey? Think I’m stupid, ey? For five men with axes I would pay only half as much.”
“Five? My lady, we are fifteen of the finest warriors the lands of the Norse have to offer. And as an intelligent woman such as yourself doubtless knows, fifteen is three times the size of five.”
“Fifteen?! You said you were six.” (Sten swore under his breath.) “Have you found a few more under the floorboards? Your wives on board ship been busy popping out babies since we began this conversation, ey? These Norsemen, they multiply!”
But at last an agreement was made, and the lady Alena poured out two little thimblefuls of what we assumed was grain vodka and pushed one across to Heidir. Looking into each other’s eyes more intently than lovers, they drank. Heidir slammed the cup on the table and his nostrils flared, which might not have looked like a lot but trust me, you don’t get to be the chief of a ship like the Vegr without knowing how to drink vodka.
The Lady Alena, unmoved by the drink, stood. “Very well. Be back tomorrow morning with your fifteen men, or twenty, or whatever, and we shall begin.”
We left in the moonlight, and from the barn door the geese watched us go.